Neal Parikh

Lenny: And Jerry has a crush on you; every time he's looking at you he's mentally undressing you.
Amanda: He is not! That's his normal look.
Lenny: It's not his normal look. If he looked at me like that I'd hit him with a brick.

Sonja: Sex without love is an empty experience.
Boris: But as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Countess: You're the greatest lover I've ever had.
Boris: Well, I practice a lot on my own.

Love is very deep. Sex only has to go a few inches.

Jamal: They have this writing contest at school. You ever enter one of those?
Forrester: Yes, once.
Jamal: Yeah? Did you win?
Forrester: Of course I won.
Jamal: What, like money or something?
Forrester: The Pulitzer.

Cosmo Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Cosmo Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No, I don't.
Cosmo Kramer: But they do, and they're the ones writing it off.

Cosmo Kramer : They're trying to screw with your head.
Jerry : Now why would a junior high school want to screw with my head?
Cosmo Kramer : Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries? I don't know.

Jerry : I need to talk to you about my friend, Dr. Tim Whatley. I think he's converted to Judaism just for the jokes.
Father Curtis : And this offends you as a Jewish person?
Jerry : No, it offends me as a comedian!

Jerry : I don't trust the guy! I think he regifted, then he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Superbowl sex romp!

Jerry : You see, Elaine, the key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.

Virginia Woolf: You do not find peace by avoiding life, Leonard.

Virginia Woolf: This is my right; it is the right of every human being. I choose not the suffocating anesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the Capital, that is my choice. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity. I wish, for your sake, Leonard, I could be happy in this quietness.

The world I see -- you're stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You climb the wrist-thick vines that wrap the Sears Tower. You see tiny figures pounding corn and laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of an abandoned superhighway.

The things you own end up owning you.

This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate of everything drops to zero.

Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.

Losing all hope is freedom.

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and a finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Bonasera: I believe in America. America has made my fortune.

Michael Corleone: My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator.
Kay Adams: Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don't have men killed!
Michael Corleone: Oh. Who's being naive, Kay?

Don Corleone: Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.

Don Corleone: What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you.

Don Corleone: Some day - and that day may never come - I will call upon you to do a service for me.

Luca Brozzi is sleeping with the fishes.

Michael Corleone: I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.

If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it's that you can kill anyone.

"It's dangerous to be an honest man."
"To death."
"Finance is a loaded gun. Politics is knowing when to pull the trigger."
"He who brings peace is blessed, for he is a son of God."

Customs official: Do you have anything to declare, sir?
Avi: Yeah. Don't go to England.

Brick Top: In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again?

Turkish: [making tea] Would you like sugar?
Brick Top: No thank you, Turkish; I'm sweet enough.

Brick Top: If I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not.

[Tyrone just backed into Franky Four Fingers' van]
Tyrone: I didn't see it.
Vinny: It's a two fucking ton van Tyrone. Its not as though its a bag of fucking peanuts now is it?
Tyrone: It was at a funny angle.
[All three turn and look back at the truck.]
Vinny: It's behind you Tyrone. When you reverse, things come at you from behind.

[After Turkish tells Tommy that he needs a new caravan.]
Tommy: Anyway, what's wrong with this one?
Turkish: Oh, nothing Tommy.
[pulls the door off the hinges]
Turkish: It's tip top. It's just I'm not that sure about the color.

Tyrone: I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats.
Vinny: Your seats? Tyrone, this is a stolen fucking car, mate.

[addressing his troops]
Maximus: If you find yourself alone, riding through green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled, for you are in Elysium, and are already dead.

Maximus: What we do in life echoes in eternity.

Proximo: [addressing his new recruits] I am Proximo! I shall be closer to you for the next few days, which will be the last of your miserable lives, than that bitch of a mother who first brought you screaming into this world! I did not pay good money for your company. I paid it so that I might profit from your death. And just as your mother was there at your beginning, I shall be there at your end. And when you die -- and die you shall -- your transition will be to the sound of...
[claps his hands]
Proximo: Gladiators... I salute you.

Berger: We read five times that you were killed, in five different places.
Victor Laszlo: As you can see, it was true every single time.

Captain Louis Renault: Rick, there are many exit visas sold in this cafe, but we know that you've never sold one. That is the reason we permit you to remain open.
Rick Blaine: Oh? I thought it was because I let you win at roulette.
Captain Louis Renault: That is another reason.

Senor Ferrari: As the leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man.

Yvonne: Where were you last night?
Rick Blaine: That's so long ago, I don't remember.
Yvonne: Will I see you tonight?
Rick Blaine: I never make plans that far ahead.

Captain Louis Renault: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick Blaine: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Captain Louis Renault: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
Rick Blaine: I was misinformed.

Major Strasser: What is your nationality?
Rick Blaine: I'm a drunkard.
Captain Louis Renault: That makes Rick a citizen of the world.

Rick Blaine: Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone you love.

[Alvy addresses a pair of strangers on the street.]
Alvy Singer: Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?
Stranger: Yeah.
Alvy Singer: Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it?
Stranger: Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
Stranger: And I'm exactly the same way.
Alvy Singer: I see! Wow! That's very interesting. So you've managed to work out something?

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially how I feel about life.

Luna Schlosser: Oh, I see. You don't believe in science, and you also don't believe, that political systems work, and you don't believe in God, huh?
Miles Monroe: Right.
Luna Schlosser: So, then what do you believe in?
Miles Monroe: Sex and death.

Doris: You have no values. Your whole life, it's nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm, orgasm!
Harry: In France I could run on that slogan and win.

Harry: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

[On her ex-husband]
Mary Wilke: I was tired of submerging my identity to a very brilliant, dominating man. He's a genius.
Isaac Davis: Oh really, he was a genius, Helen's a genius and Dennis is a genius. You know a lot of geniuses, y'know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y'know, you could learn something.

Yale: Your problem is you think you're God.
Isaac Davis: Well, I've got to model myself after someone.

Isaac Davis: Has anybody read that Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey? Y'know, I read this in the newspaper. We should go down there, get some guys together, y'know, get some bricks and baseball bats and really explain things to them.
Party Guest: There is this devastating satirical piece on that on the Op Ed page of the Times, it is devastating.
Isaac Davis: Well, a satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point.

Isaac Davis: Why is life worth living? It's a very good question. Well, there are certain things I guess that make it worthwhile. Like what... okay...um...For me, ... I would say ... what, Groucho Marx, to name one thing...and Wilie Mays... and the 2nd movement of the Jupiter Symphony, Louis Armstrong, recording of Potato Head Blues ... Swedish movies, naturally ... Sentimental Education by Flaubert ... uh... Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra ... um ... those incredible Apples and Pears by Cezanne... uh...the crabs at Sam Wo's ... Tracy's face...